As I write this, I wonder how many parts this repatriation story will have. Two and half months should be enough time to get back into the American swing of things — right? It’s so complicated, though. I feel like I’m in this ‘in between’ place — not where I was before and not yet where I want to be now.
I’ve had a few pauses in my life where I felt stuck in one place until I got a green light to move forward. One of them was when I was ready to get married and Dick was not. 🤨 Another was when I got the job offer at NATO, but I had to wait five months for a security clearance. These pauses give me anxiety because I don’t like having little or no control over the situation. I do all that I know to do, then come to a point where I can only wait. I think I’m a relatively patient person, but I get VERY impatient in these situations! 😫
I have an almost obsessive need to know and plan. I love finding information and putting things in order (throw in a fascination with history and it’s no surprise that I chose archives as my profession). I loved planning our adventures in Europe. I scoured travel blogs and tourist sites for information and then planned detailed itineraries. Much of my life is organized in OneNote; my Google map is a thing of beauty; hello, my name is Amy and I’m a Pinterest addict. 😛
My days right now are largely unplanned. I can’t keep the days straight because one day runs into another. I delay getting up some mornings because I feel like I have no particular purpose for the day. I have no set routine and that’s depressing. I have ideas and intentions of meaningful purposes, but I’m hesitant to act on most of them because I think I need a better idea of what my schedule and location will be in the future. Just so you know, I’m reading the inspirational ‘how to make the most of life now’ books and blogs. I get it. I really do. So even while I’m impatient with this pause in my life, I’m also allowing myself the pause. I’m just trying to explain the ‘in-between’ phenomenon.
Part of this pause is figuring out what I really want to do next. I’ve spent the last seven years in jobs that were frustratingly arduous. I’m grateful for these jobs and I gained so much, but I dreaded every Monday and looked forward to every Friday (or vacation day!). Even though I’ve been determined to take the time to find a job that I will enjoy and even though my dear husband agreed, I’ve had moments of panic (or impatience) where I applied for jobs because I NEED a job. This has gotten me in a bind of then having to interview for these less than desirable jobs. Kick myself. 😖 I turned down a job last week after the second interview because it gave me anxiety just thinking about how much I didn’t want to do it. I had an interview for a part time job (8 hrs a week) last week and I was a little uneasy about it because it’s not quite my thing. I didn’t get the job, so that’s settled. I’m now vying for four open jobs that I’m feeling good about and that gives me hope!
Dick is also slogging through the job hunt. He had a phone interview scheduled last week, but they didn’t call . . . and they didn’t reschedule. Who does that?! 😠 He gets calls from recruiters almost every day and his resume has been submitted for several temp jobs. A promising connection for a long term position is in the works. 🙏 🤞He’s proactive with networking and doing webinars to get advice, which I have to hope will eventually pay off.
We are settled into our apartment and that’s a positive move forward. It’s feels homey with our own furniture and “stuff” around. 🛋 We still have a full storage unit and we’ve made many trips back and forth to it as we figure out what we do/do not need right now. After we unpacked, we returned unnecessary boxes of stuff. Then there were odd things missing that we had to find in unpacked boxes, like the remote to the TV and the glass plate for the microwave. We seriously have too much stuff and it gets overwhelming! We’ve dropped off some donations and several things have been posted for sale. Progress. As much as we dread moving again soon, we will buy a permanent home as soon as we can. I browse Zillow every day and we’ve attended several open houses. It’s a bit of self-imposed torture, but this girl HAS to plan or um, keep the dream alive. 🤓