I’ve been thinking about how different my agenda is now compared with past pursuits. Looking back on past decisions and major shifts, I think I made things happen according to an agenda. It’s healthy to have goals and ambitions in life, but what’s the motive. I think I sometimes grabbed the ‘opportunity’ that came along without being willing to wait for something better. The first guy, the first place, the first job were seized because that’s what I wanted to accomplish.
“Commit your way to the Lord” is allowing yourself to be guided. It’s careful, discerning and wise. It means setting your course, but with counsel. It’s not tromping headlong with glances back at the Lord saying, “I’ve got this”.
I’m pursing the opportunities and making choices, but it’s much more chill! I don’t HAVE to have it this way or that. I don’t NEED to accomplish that particular thing. I’m open to God’s guidance. Though I have to admit, that’s not a particularly clear concept. I guess it’s about checking the motives.
From Psalm 37:
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.
From Proverbs 16:
We can make our own plans,
but the Lord gives the right answer.
People may be pure in their own eyes,
but the Lord examines their motives.
Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed.
There’s been a lot of waiting in this process and it’s double edged. On one side, it’s a relief that there’s more time to get things done. We’ve had a tough time scheduling work for our house fix-ups. We finally found the contractors, but still need to nail down dates. We have some time to settle the parenting matters that are still not final. There’s more time to tick off the items on the to-do list.
On the other side, it’s difficult not knowing ‘when’. We can only plan out so far without having a firm moving date. It’s also difficult to prepare psychologically for what’s ahead. We saw most of our family during Christmas and though we anticipated that it was the last time we would see them for many months, we couldn’t say for sure. I go to work everyday wondering how much longer do I have to do this gig. Will I have to learn the next new thing that’s coming? Then there’s the same question over and over, “Have you heard anything yet?”
Sometimes waiting is just waiting. It isn’t really waiting on the Lord. But this waiting feels like waiting on the Lord (sorry for being redundant!), because there is so much unknown. It’s trusting that the Lord knows what’s ahead and relying on him to guide us there. It’s taking care of the responsibilities within our control and acknowledging that there are circumstances beyond our control. Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. Oh good, we need that strength!